Esti deja cineva de bine

In limba romana sunt mai multe variante de a exprima ca cineva e bun…in sensul ca persoana este cineva de bine, placuta, care isi ajuta semenii sau care a ajuns cineva sau care s-a realizat sau care a ajuns bine, care a evoluat…in fine care este respectata dintr-un motiv sau altul, care vrea binele celorlati in general. De asemenea o persoana de bine scris intre ghilimelele de rigoare poate desemna pe cineva care isi baga nasul unde nu ii fierbe oala. Acest articol nu se refera la persoanele “ de bine” ci la persoanele care au incredere in ele. O mare parte din munca de coaching consta in asa zisa “dezvoltare personala” adica din panoplia de resurse ale unei persoane continand punctele forte, talentele, caracteristicile si nu numai, pe care persoana le are la dispozitie, vor fi antrenate, dezvoltate, profund ameliorate unele dintre ele, in functie de obictivul persoanei. De ce avem nevoie de cineva sa ne “dezvolte”? O mare parte dintre semenii nostrii sufera de ceea ce se chiama lipsa increderii in sine sau a stimei de sine…cu alte cuvinte in ziua de azi este greu sa ne vedem la adevarata noastra valoare…Oare? Daca este adevarat sau nu, nu as putea sa ma exprim…ceea ce se poate observa este ca numarul cartilor, revistelor, site-urilor, blogurilor care vorbesc despre dezvoltare personala sau despre dezvoltarea stimei de sine abunda…pe cand ceva cu titlul “Esti deja cineva de bine” cred ca nu exista. De aceea am vrut sa incep cu acest articol. Orice voi publica pe acest blog despre fiinta umana porneste de la ideea ca toti suntem deja, de la bun inceput cineva de bine, cineva bun, cineva care merita sa fie admirat, respectat si care poate reusi in ceea ce isi propune. Toti avem punctele noastre forte dar si defecte, toti avem zile bune si zile proaste…toti trecem prin perioade de stres.

Atata timp cat ceilati ne vad doar calitatile, totul este in regula. Din pacate, fie semnalele pe care ni le transmit ceilalti, fie doar propria noastra interpretare a gesturilor si spuselor celor din jur ne conduc la concluzia ca imaginea noastra este negativa.

Arnold Buss, professor in psihologie, prezinta sase mari surse ale stimei de sine:

• Fizicul: ne simtim mai siguri pe sine cand suntem multumiti de aspectul nostru fizic, cand credem ca suntem seducatori;
• Capacitatile si performantele: atunci cand luam note bune, cand obtinem rezultate in proiectele in care ne implicam la munca sau in viata privata, cand avem succes;
• Puterea: cand detinem controlul fie prin dominare, prin statut sau cu ajutorul banilor;
• Recompensele sociale: aprecierea celorlati, elogiile, atunci cand activitatea noastra este apreciata si respectul fata de opiniile sau gandurile noastre
• Surse indirecte: e vorba de cei care se antureaza de personae celebre sau admirate, de cei care provin din familii bogate sau pur si simplu cand imartasesc gloria, bucuria, succesul altcuiva;
• Moralitatea atunci cand consideram ca suntem cineva de bine respectand regulile comportamentului social.

Uitandu-ne la aceste surse, putem observa foarte usor ca toate sunt mai mult sau mai putin relative dar intotdeauna in relatie cu ceilalti. Cu alte cuvinte am putea spune ca timiditatea sau izolarea sociala conduc la o apreciere de sine scazuta. Invers, persoanele sociabile, optimiste, pline de voie buna se simt mai bine in pielea lor. Oare cum vine asta? Parca ne-am invarti intr-un cerc: nu am incredere in mine, ma departez de semenii mei, ma departez de sursele de “incarcare a bateriilor” stimei de sine, devin din ce in ce mai nesigur de mine…invers: am incredere in mine, sunt optimist si sociabil, ma gasesc in aproierea “surselor” de incredere in sine, imi incarc din ce in ce mai des bateriile etc.

Cu alte cuvinte, cam tot ce tine de dezvoltarea increderii in sine ar trebui sa incepa cu “Esti deja cineva de bine, esti deja cineva bun, ai deja o multime de lucruri pentru care esti de admirat”. Nu vreau sa dau sfaturi pe acest blog, nu vreau sa dau exemple “de buna purtare”, vreau doar ca ca cei citesc sa observe ca toti suntem cineva de bine. Tu cum stai cu increderea de sine?

About me

Who am I? I am a creation…a creation of bones and skin, of different cells combined…the result of generations of people who loved each other: my parents, my grandparents, my grand-grand parents, my ancestors…On one hand, on the other hand is my soul living in this body…energy from the universal energy, the boom which is making me moving, thinking and feeling…especially feeling. The soul is this miracle giving us existence in a certain form. To all this it is added layers after layers: experiences. The experiences of my life, the places where I grew up, the places I was passing by, the people I was meeting until I understand something, the transformation, the passing, the trans-passing, the evolution. I am an explorer of the life. I explore in order to understand using this amazing capacity that only us, the human beings have: the conscience. From time to time I receive a gift, the opportunity of sharing all these with the others, to offer something from me, something of me to the ones willing to become as well explorers of what we call here on earth: life. Most of the times I receive gifts form the others, from all the others crossing my “road” in life, from the life. We are all receiving gifts from the life, some of us are aware about and we accept them, some are ignoring these gifts for a while…some for the whole life. [i]

My name is Dana and I am a person looking permanently to give sense to my existence. I have been always looking for a deep understanding of the human being with a passion for all the changes taken place inside us accordingly to the environment: family, friends, different events, socio-economic situation, weather change (why not, it is trendy), hormonal change, practically anything which can change something in ourselves. It seems that the biggest fear of the human being is the change itself. I could say we are allergic to change even if we are continuously changing, adapting, evolving from the first day of our life and this is making us stronger. The conscientious understanding of different things I will treat on this blog was not coming straight and easy. No, I was first going trough a lot of changes: from childhood to teenage, from teenage to maturity…from elementary school to high school and university, from university to my first job, from short time love affairs to the long relationships, then to marriage, to divorce, again short time love affairs and again different long time relations…from hating my parents to reconciliation with them, from fighting with my sister to a nice friendship… from Romania to Italy and from Italy to Luxembourg. Briefly I was working as an economist in sales and marketing strategy, as manager in an import-export company, as a warehouse manager and jumping over a lovely year in Italy for study as an innovation management consultant. But all these were not driving me towards the essence of my searching: human being, because after all economy is about people, we are selling to people, people are innovating, the economy / trade has emerged as a result of evolution and adaptation of human beings.

Two years ago I started a new path, a new expedition: coaching.

Reading what I wrote before, I clearly see that I managed to avoid saying who am I are by saying what I did. Classic! In fact when we meet a new person we do not ask "Who are you?" but "What are you doing in general, how you gain your life, what do you do in your free time, etc…"

Also, we have the tendency to ask others how we are, how we are perceived ... Our identity is often deeply linked to the way others see us. Thus we have at least three views about us: the way we are seen by the others, the way we would like to be and the way we actually are.

So again ... who I am or how I would like to be perceived by others? I'm an adaptable person with the sense of humor, I love life, I love people, I love new experiences. I am a person with vision, I find solutions where others see only problems, I like to be liked by others, to convince them with my ideas ... I am a conscientious and dedicated leader. I am someone who can give you an opinion, an idea, someone reliable in times of tribulation but also for having fun ... How am I in my inner forum? I am a person with pluses and minuses like mere mortals ... my views and opinions can sometimes become fixed ideas that can tease someone for a long time, my adaptability may become inconsistence, new experiences can become quickly boring ... Sometimes my conscientiousness and dedication could make me go off track and supporting an idea that was not good ... a person who had hidden thoughts. I am a reliable friend, getting involved in projects that I love and believe in, I am starting off with enthusiasm for a new idea, a trip, a book ... a new challenge. I'm afraid not to exaggerate, I am afraid of losing what I have built up to now, not to be misjudged. I detest racism, misogyny ... discrimination of any kind in general ... and the list goes on. How others see me? I'll let them say, those who know me to post their opinion ... and then I will ask you my new readers who may not know me in person.

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[i] Up date from 4^th of May 2011, after meeting a great person Oana Pellea (Romanian actrice) that I admire very much. Her presence inspired me in reading, hearing, feeling and understanding a few things.

About this blog

I chose the title of this blog after a song of a French group Manau "Le Tribu de Dana" or the tribe of Dana in free translation. Dana, it seems that it was an Irish goddess of Celtic mythology, a kind of God-woman, the goddess of fertility and prosperity. This goddess had equivalent in Indo-European mythologies of various peoples before Christianization being called Dana, Danu, Don and seems to have given different names of rivers like Danube (in Latin Danavius), the Dniester (Russian) or Dnieper (Russian Dniepr). The significance of names could be "donor" or "benefactor". In India dâna has the meaning of gift.

This name suits me perfectly because the purpose of this blog is that to offer, to give some of my thoughts and my knowledge.

Two years ago I started a new path, a new change: coaching. This blog is linked to this vocation ... It is linked to my will and passion of understanding and accompanying of human beings, people in general in the process of change, of personal development, of finding inner peace, of finding itself. I will post articles about coaching and differences between coaching and psychology, psychotherapy or psychiatry, about personality, about stress, about YOU .... Maybe if you come up here with reading and you are not yet bored, you already begin to say: blah, blah, blah … another one telling us how to be better, perform better, how to guide our lives, what to do, what to ... Well, if you want to start reading this blog, to be part of this "tribe" then I tell you from the beginning "YOU ARE ALREADY SOMEBODY GOOD " and it will be the title of the first article ... Happy reading!